When I hear that word, so many thoughts run through my mind. I think about how many people in my life that have been affected with cancer. Cancer sucks, and it steals from us the precious time we need with our loved ones.
Back in September of 2015 I like so many people I lost my mother to Cancer. It happened to quickly I didn’t have time to process what had happened, at times I wondered if I had dreamt the whole thing, it feels like a blur from the moment I found out she was sick, to when she passed to the funeral to then having to go back to “reality” back to work and “going on with life”, but the truth is your life will never be the same ever again you can’t go back to the “normal” because now there’s a part of you thats missing that you’ll never get back.
For the first few weeks, my friends and coworkers were wonderful, they sent cards, flowers, they were really there for me when I needed them. During that time I heard a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during that time.
After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mum. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that’s it, some people often refer to it as a “breakup” you go though the 7 stages of grief and then you eventually get over it and move on with your life, after a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and “get over it.”
The people who told me I need to “move on” “get over it” etc are the ones who had never lost their parent or anyone close to them. I’ve known what its like to lost a family member, I was 11 when my Pop Passed away, I was 20 when my Grandma died, I’ve had Aunties who have passed away as well, but It a different when you have a parent who passes. It sucks. It really really sucks.
But you will never get over it. In my own experience the pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother? You just can’t.
There are moments where I am fine, but are also times where it sucks when you see mothers and daughters hanging out shopping, grabbing coffee and you think to yourself, that you’ll never have those moments together or when you see mums and daughters fighting I remember a few months after my mum passed away I was talking to this girl who was complaining about her mum and how her mum wants to catch up weekly for lunch and she doesn’t want to as she has better things to do, I thought to myself “Fuck.. I wish I could do that and you don’t want to?” I would love the chance to see my mum again but I never will.
Looking at the things now I know how to cope/what to expect when celebrations come around the one I find the hardest is mother’s day because it’s everywhere “spoil your mum this mothers day” “i love you mum”. When her anniversary comes around (7th September) I get really emotional and I reflect but I can usually get on with my day… ok. I rather distract myself and keep myself busy than sit there and mope around.
I wish that there was a guide book to prepare me for everything in life especially losing a parent so young in life
I wish someone had told me . . .
1. No matter how prepared you think you are for a death, you can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.
2. The moment someone dies your straight into planning the funeral and everything will be a blur.
3. No one can ever replace your mother
4. The world doesn’t stop eventually you’ll need to get out of a bubble and get back to reality
5. The 7 stages of grief aren’t always going to be in order and you can still go through the grieving process years later
Life without your mother will never be what it was, but I promise it can get easier.
* photo credit * https://www.pexels.com/photo/red-rose-on-brown-wooden-surface-776647/